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''For then shall be great tribulation...'' Divine judgement for my sins.

This journal is for me. A place to document certain events of my life as i see fit.
A way to say what i can't ever say.
Because no matter what people say or you think. Your all alone in this world.
Theres no such thing as any kinda of love or attachment. It's an illusion in your head.
You create it to make yourself feel better. I guess it works. But i wouldn't know.
I've never really experienced and significant kind of happyness in the years of my life that i can remember.

Part of me remembers how it used to feel. To smile on the inside.
But now i'm an empty shell.
And i'm creating this to help me figure things out. Cause lately i've been getting ''sick''.
It took an attempted suicide to make me think maybe if i hang around long enough.
I'll smile on the inside again.

I realise it's a long way away because i still shake and cry. And no one knows.
It's my own affliction and i'll suffer my hardships alone.

I've payed the price for whatever sins i've committed. I've payed over and over again.
All i gained was the knowledge that everyone has their breaking points.

So i'm cutting it all away.
All the layers of shit that suffocate me.
And i'm working on getting out of this shell.

Right now i'm so fragile. I think if the wind blew i might be lost forever.
I still don't know if thats what i want.
But it hurts so much. To be that sick and alone...